True North

...this is what he would have said at his prime time health care press conference:

I want to talk for a few minutes about my health care reform plan. It sucks. I should call it a prescription for failure but I love being in front of my adoring media so I am going to tell you a bunch of lies and hope you fall for this too. Some Americans can be such suckers, especially when I tell you it is free!

Obamacare could really be called insurance reform but it is just a part of our broader plan for economic takeover and controlling every aspect of your lives. The back room meetings, threats and bribes are going well. Those Blue Dogs will roll over and vote for it when we tell them to.

Studies show this plan (which I have not read) will raise health care costs, increase the deficit, force rationed care and cause some 80 million Americans to lose their current insurance. It will not fix the skyrocketing cost of entitlement programs either. Of course it is Bush’s fault and if my non-reform does not pass don’t blame me. The blame will be those damn Republicans, the evil insurance companies (they killed my grandma you know), and the evil doctors who want to make more money off our pain and suffering.

Under the guise of health care reform, I plan to destroy the insurance market with my public option because we democrats are too stupid to figure out real solutions. In reality we know that when government controls health insurance, we control you.

That part about keeping your own insurance….fat chance. Of course we’re going to deny services to the people of America. No, Congress and I will never, ever be part of this program.

My non-reform plan is over 1000 pages long, the longer the better. God forbid anyone should actually read this mess. But in a nutshell we are forcing you to buy insurance. We know insurance does not equal care but we will force you to have it anyway. ACORN and Americorps will sign you up for government approved health care plans.

Don’t think of not getting coverage…the fines will be hefty for those of you who don’t. We can find you because you will be forced to have a health care ID which includes all your personal and private information including bank accounts and medical records. Government loves to gather data.

Small business owners you are really screwed. We will mandate you enroll all employees and their families be covered too, even the part time employees. Government will audit your books. We know this will put some of you out of business and cost thousands of jobs. Oh well, we all have to sacrifice.

Government will mandate all benefit packages for private plans. Some larger businesses now endorse this legislation knowing they will pass on the cost to consumers, they have deep pockets. Others support it knowing it will drive some smaller companies out of business. That free market is nothing but trouble anyway.

We all know that making everyone have coverage will still not get everyone covered but you illegal aliens, no worries! All 10 million of you will be covered, thanks for voting D by the way. As just another way to thank you we will give you another break by exempting you from individual taxes. Those rich people have too much money anyway; they have a moral duty to let us take more of their hard earned money.

And you old people, we just have to get rid of some of you. Beside the expensive policies we keep putting into place the skyrocketing cost of Medicare and Medicade are the biggest driving force behind the federal deficit.

Seniors, another some others, are just too expensive to let live. Getting rid of you old people will help keep costs down and government will generously provide you information to make your end of life decisions.

We are the government and we are here to help. Government will instruct and consult on living wills, powers of attorney and provide an approved list of end of life resources. Government will provide advanced care consultation including an order for end of life plans. Government will cover marriage and family therapy, mental health services and by the way, you can’t sue us.

Those doctors, we will rein them in. We know they just look for ways to make more money by taking out unnecessary body parts and providing services you don’t need. That Hippocratic Oath is kind of like my Oath of Office… just words. We must control doctors and control them we will. All medical decisions will be approved by my czars and committees, isn’t it nice they are only accountable to me.

To keep those greedy doctors in line, we will pay them all the same no matter what their specialty. If they don’t fix the patient and a patient is re-admitted there will be a penalty. We will also tell them what equipment they can own, refuse to allow hospitals to expand and add lots more bureaucracy. Heck we will even tell them what procedures are allowed.

Oh that little detail about cost, well I lied. This health insurance reform will add to our deficit; your great grand children will be paying for this fiasco. This plan is so expensive we will be increasing taxes on you, rich or not, to pay for it.

Democrats are good at finding me people with sad stories, I use my propaganda machine (the media) and my bully pulpit to share them. It helps make people feel really guilty and exploits the situation so we can justify our agenda. Don’t waste your time contacting me opposing my plan.

Questions? I will avoid all questions. Only pre-approved questions that make me look good will be allowed. I am happy to talk about my good friend Professor Gates, the old guy with the cane. We made great strides electing me as the first black President of the United States that racial profiling is still a problem. Those stupid cops caused that mess.

I would like to add that thanks to the big spending Democrats who have been controlling congress since 2007 we are now in the worst recession in half a century; it is going to take a long time to recover. I will continue to blame Bush and all Republicans for the next three and one half years.

The Recovery Act continues to cost jobs and will not create new ones. It is working exactly as planned. Under our plan we are losing 700,000 jobs per month and our economic policies will continue to force even more jobs overseas. Our financial system is on the verge of collapse thanks to us. But we aren’t done yet.

We will continue to push our economy towards the brink of disaster as we assist and reward anyone who helped get us elected and continue failed policies of old. The first 6 months is just the beginning. I am thinking of a repeat of the failed stimulus bill, what’s another trillion dollars. Government now controls 1/5 of the economy, the take over of health care will easily double that.

Don’t forget I will continue to force the American people into clean energy. I know it is way more expensive and will never work to power America, I don’t care. I know each green job costs the private sector 2.1 jobs, I don’t care. I know it takes money out of the private sector, I don’t care. My green program will provide thousands of jobs, I just ignore the fact millions have lost jobs since I took office.

I know my policies will cost American families thousands every year, I don’t care. This is my vision for America, I am the president, we control congress and you suckers who voted for us are just going to have to deal with it.

If we don’t pass it NOW the whole effort will collapse so it is up to Harry and Nancy’s job to ram this down the throats of the American people before they wake up and revolt….we cannot waste a crisis suckers. Bend over.

Cross-posted at Sue Jeffers KTLK Blog.