True North

To:  Jesse Ventura, ex-governor and “celebrity”

From: Mitch Berg, Average Schlemiel

Re: Senate Bid

Dear “Governor” Ventura,

One minute you’re running; the next, you’re not.  It’s almost like you’re arguing with The Crusher or Vern Gagne or Vince McMahon [1] or someone.

Let me help you settle this.

Run.  Run, Jesse, Run. 

Run for Senate.  Please.

Ten years ago, in a simpler and more trite era, it was easy to convince people that you were a populist, libertarian/conservative everyman.  Back before you actually had to govern (”Govern”?  Whatever), you could make yourself out to be whatever you wanted to look like; like every third party candidate, you could wrap ideals around you like they were so many pink feather boas.

Of course, then you got into office.  And that “deer in the headlights” look you got on election night 1998 morphed into you turning into a sock puppet for Dean Barkley and Tim Penny and, eventually - to deal with the fact that you had no party supporting  you in the legislature - ran to Roger Moe like a new, boyish-looking blond inmate cuddling up to a big bruiser inmate for protection.

But we know you today, Mr. Ventura. Some of us know you way too well. 

We know that you, like your “party”, are DFL lite.  To Democrats, who might prefer a trite, vapor-light, paper-thin devil they know to a trite, vacuous devil they don’t, that might be a sell over Franken.  To Republicans?  You had some of us fooled ten years ago; they’re not biting anymore.

Oh, and you’re a 9/11 Truther.  That appeals entirely to…well, you know who.  Indeed, the numbers show, so far, that you will draw more voters from Franken than Coleman.

So please, Jesse.  Run.  I beg of you.  Let’s make this electoral season even more humiliating for Al Franken.

That is all.

[1] What?  None of these names were current when you were in “wrestling”?  Sorry - I guess I had a brain and didn’t pay any attention at the time.  Sorry.  Not.

Cross-posted and comments welcome at Shot In The Dark.